What We Mean When We Say It
Relative (adjective): considered in relation or in proportion to something else; not absolute or independent.
When we say “it’s all relative,” we usually mean that judgments about success, failure, or worth depend entirely on what we’re comparing ourselves to. Your struggles might be someone else’s dream life. Your embarrassment might be another person’s freedom.
But here’s what I’m wondering: when you catch yourself saying “it’s all relative,” are you finding genuine peace with your circumstances, or are you making excuses to avoid honest self-reflection?
Yesterday’s Reality Check
Yesterday was a farming day during Japan’s rainy season. I had to cycle to work in the pouring rain—no car, no raincoat, just me pedaling through water that soaked through everything I wore.
At 56, there’s something both liberating and slightly absurd about showing up to work looking like a drowned rat. Part of me felt like a happy kid who doesn’t care about getting wet. Another part wondered if this was what “failure to launch” looks like in late middle age.
Tom Cruise jumps out of helicopters for work. I cycle through puddles to tend vegetables. It’s all relative, right?
But as I pedaled through that rain, I realized the question isn’t whether my life measures up to someone else’s—it’s whether I’m being honest about my own relationship with where I’ve ended up.
The Scenarios We Navigate
The Financial Comparison: Maybe you’re living paycheck to paycheck while friends post vacation photos. Do you say “it’s all relative” because you genuinely value different things, or because it’s easier than admitting you wish you’d made different choices with money?
The Career Reflection: Perhaps you’re in a job that’s perfectly fine but not what you dreamed of at 25. When younger colleagues talk about their ambitions, do you think “it’s all relative” because you’ve found peace with modest goals, or because you’ve given up on the bigger ones?
The Relationship Reality: Maybe you’re single when you thought you’d be partnered, or partnered when you crave solitude. Is “it’s all relative” wisdom about different paths to happiness, or resignation disguised as acceptance?
The Achievement Question: Some people climb corporate ladders, others tend gardens. Some write bestsellers, others write thoughtful emails to friends. When you measure your accomplishments, is “it’s all relative” genuine contentment or sophisticated self-soothing?
The Authenticity Test
Here’s what I’ve been wondering: How do we tell the difference between healthy acceptance and elaborate excuse-making?
When I show up to work soaked from cycling in the rain, am I being authentically myself—someone who values exercise and doesn’t mind weather—or am I just making the best of circumstances I’m secretly embarrassed about?
Maybe both can be true simultaneously. Maybe that’s what “it’s all relative” really means: the story we tell ourselves about our choices matters as much as the choices themselves.
What Your Younger Self Would Think
This might be the real test. If your 25-year-old self could see you now, would they recognize the person they hoped to become? Would they be disappointed by your compromises or impressed by your wisdom?
My younger self might wonder why I’m cycling to work instead of driving. But he’d probably also be surprised that I found genuine satisfaction in physical labor and honest work, even if it doesn’t look like the success he imagined.
Your younger self might have different questions about your current life. What would those questions be?
The Spiritual Perspective
Those who’ve had near-death experiences often report seeing people who have just passed being greeted by understanding souls who congratulate them on completing their earthly journey. Apparently, there’s little judgment on the other side—prince or pauper makes little difference.
If that’s true, maybe “it’s all relative” isn’t about comparing ourselves to others at all. Maybe it’s about recognizing that the measures we stress over—money, status, conventional success—are just temporary frameworks for a much larger story.
Would the souls who greet you someday care whether you drove to work or cycled through the rain? Probably not. They’d probably ask whether you were kind, whether you helped others, whether you lived authentically.
The Question That Matters
So here’s what I’m curious about: When do you find yourself saying “it’s all relative”?
Is it when you’re genuinely content with choices that others might not understand? Or is it when you’re trying to convince yourself that settling is the same as choosing?
There’s no wrong answer. Sometimes we need the comfort of perspective. Sometimes we need the honesty of admission. Often, we need both.
Your Turn to Reflect
Think about the last time you said or thought “it’s all relative” about your own life:
What were you comparing yourself to? Social media highlights? Childhood expectations? Someone else’s apparent success?
What were you trying to feel better about? A financial situation? A career path? A relationship status? A life choice that others might not understand?
Was it genuine acceptance or gentle self-deception? Both are human. Both serve purposes. Neither is inherently wrong.
If money were no object, what would you still feel insecure about? This might reveal what “it’s all relative” is really protecting you from examining.
What would authentic contentment look like for you right now? Not what it should look like, but what it actually would feel like.
I’m genuinely curious about your relationship with this phrase. When does “it’s all relative” serve you well, and when does it hold you back from honest self-reflection?
Share your thoughts below—what’s your version of cycling through the rain? The moments when you’re not sure if you’re being authentic or just making the best of things?
