Sometimes the universe delivers exactly what we need: uninterrupted time with ourselves, even when we hadn’t thought to ask for it. Today was one of those days that reminded me just how essential alone time can be for our mental clarity and overall wellbeing.
When the Day Starts on the Wrong Note
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. A nagging headache lingered behind my left eye—possibly a reminder of yesterday’s dental surgery. Compounding my physical discomfort was a recently reoccurring feeling of being uprooted, unsure where to focus my energies and priorities, and whether I should be in Japan or considering returning to the UK to help my Dad now that my Mum is in a care home. We all have these chapters or times when our internal compass seems slightly off for whatever reason.
After a shower, and just wanting to get on with it, I’d skipped my usual breakfast ritual and cycled to work. The farmland area was quiet and empty when I arrived around 7am—a perfect setting for what would unexpectedly become a day of mental restoration.
The Unexpected Gift of Solitude
Just before leaving home, I received a text from my boss saying they wouldn’t be joining me today. In that moment, I knew the day would be tailored more towards a comfort I often crave.
I find it satisfying tackling big jobs alone—seeing the before and after of your efforts. Whether it’s building an electric fence around grape vines, preventing weeds with carpeting, plowing a field, or meticulously weeding a greenhouse by hand—when I’m alone, I enter a state of flow. The world narrows to just the task at hand, and even the mosquitoes seem to become part of the natural rhythm.
The Language of Silence
Working with my Japanese colleagues means adapting to different communication expectations. Though we worked together for over a decade in an English school before completely switching to farming, they understandably prefer I speak Japanese now. There’s patience required in these interactions—often more words are exchanged than necessary, which can disrupt the ideal working mindset, especially when all you want or need are simple instructions to get down to work.
But today, blessed solitude meant trimming hundreds of grape vines and cutting overgrown weeds in peaceful silence. The warm, sunny weather was a welcome change from the unexpected cold day prior—another small gift.
The Freedom from Social Adjustment
Even among colleagues and friends we very much value, as I do my bosses, there’s a constant subtle energy expenditure in adjusting ourselves to others’ communication styles and expectations. Being alone provides a break from this adjustment, allowing us to simply exist without thinking so much about how we show up or whether we’re responding appropriately.
Had I prayed properly this morning, I wouldn’t have known what to ask for. Yet somehow, the universe provided exactly what I needed—not conversation, not companionship, but a return to basics:
- Rising early and making an effort
- Physical movement through cycling
- Fresh air and connection with nature
- Solitude with purpose
- Warm weather that energizes rather than depletes
Finding Stillness
There’s wisdom in the biblical phrase, “Be still and know that I am God.”:Psalm 46:10. That stillness becomes more accessible when we’re alone, thinking less, surrounded by nature, and free from external and self-imposed pressures to perform or engage socially.
My boss sometimes gauges my level of interest through casual questions about the UK. I enjoy farming for the physical aspect. While I’ve never been fond of or great at small talk, plus challenged when it comes to speaking Japanese, I recognize this casual chat as his way to check-in with me. The challenge lies in respecting relationship dynamics while simultaneously honoring our need for directness and space.
The Balance Point
Today’s solitude—being busy yet peaceful, in nature, physically active—provided the reset my mood desperately needed. Was it divine intervention? Had I earned a break? Or had I simply been overthinking, failing to recognize that many of us already have what we need, requiring only subtle adjustments to appreciate it?
Too much isolation can be equally unbalancing. More than two days alone at home on the computer, and I begin to feel disconnected or more to the point – start thinking too much.
An evening jog or a quiet morning walk to 7-Eleven for coffee helps—not just for the movement and fresh air, but for that minimal connection to society that reminds us we’re part of something larger.
Everything in Moderation
By day’s end, covered in mosquito bites but satisfied by accomplishment, I had completely forgotten which side of the bed I’d woken up on. Perhaps that’s the greatest gift of productive solitude—it resets our perspective, creating space between our temporary discomforts and our essential selves.
We need connection and community, certainly. But sometimes, we just need to be alone—working, playing, thinking less. In that balance lies a quiet wisdom about what it means to live well.
My Students Value Alone Time Too
Over the years, many of my students have shared similar sentiments about needing personal space and time for themselves. This seems particularly common among women who express a desire for moments of solitude away from family responsibilities. The need becomes even more pronounced when spouses are home more frequently, such as after retirement, creating a shift in the household’s usual rhythm and personal boundaries.
What About You?
How do you value alone time in your life? Do you have a special activity or place that helps you reconnect with yourself when the world feels too noisy? Perhaps it’s a morning ritual before others wake, a solitary walk in nature, or simply closing the door to read or create in peace.
When was the last time you experienced that perfect balance of purposeful solitude—and how did it change your perspective on the day? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below about how you find and protect those essential moments of being comfortably alone.
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