Sometimes the problem isn’t that we’re chasing the wrong things. It’s that we’re chasing things that don’t actually fit us.
Have you ever caught yourself working toward something you don’t really want? A job that drains you, a goal that feels off, or something you think you should want but don’t. I’ve spent enough years watching myself and others chase the wrong things to start wondering why we do this, even when it quietly costs us time, energy, or peace of mind.
Table of Contents
When I Chased the Wrong Job
Back in my twenties, I was temping through job agencies in the UK. People would compliment my work and suggest I apply for permanent positions. I got carried away thinking a better title or more money meant I was going in the right direction.
I jumped through hoops. Made promises. Went through a couple of interviews. Someone even went the extra mile to get me that interview, really put themselves out there for me.
I got the offer. And then I realized I didn’t really want it.
What I wanted was freedom. Something less formal, more experimental. Within a short time, I quit and took a job driving a van instead. That felt more real to me than any office position ever did. I’ve written before about the relief that comes from no longer playing games that don’t fit, and this was my first experience of that feeling.
I let someone down in the process. Someone who believed in me and pushed for that opportunity. Maybe we both learned something from that brief experience. I know I did.
Have you ever worked hard for something, got it, and then realized you didn’t really want it?
Why We Do This to Ourselves
Maybe it’s just human nature. We see something that looks good from the outside and convince ourselves we want it.
A better job. More money. Nicer stuff. The things we think will make us feel successful, secure, or finally settled.
At one point, this kind of chasing made sense. If you didn’t keep moving, you didn’t eat. But now, we often chase things that don’t even matter to us personally, just because we think they should.
I’ve seen it in people around me too. Someone grinding at a job they hate because that’s what responsibility is supposed to look like. People buying things they don’t need because that’s what success, loyalty, or adulthood seems to demand.
The pattern is usually the same. We chase what we think we should want instead of what truly fits who we are.
When have you noticed yourself wanting something mainly because you thought you should?
The Pattern of Reaching Out
I’ve noticed this pattern in other areas of my life too. Staying loyal to situations that weren’t working. Keeping contact going when the connection had clearly changed.
Without turning every post into a story about my ex-wife, I’ll just say this: loyalty matters to me. I’ve always shown up for people I care about. I once switched countries for someone without hesitation. That kind of commitment doesn’t simply disappear when circumstances change.
But there’s a difference between loyalty and chasing something that’s already gone. Between showing up for people and refusing to see when they’ve moved on.
I’m still learning where that line is.
Have you ever kept reaching out to someone or something long after it stopped making sense?
What Actually Fits
Here’s what I’ve noticed over time. The moments I’ve felt most like myself weren’t when I was chasing the impressive thing. They were when I stopped chasing and paid attention to what really fit.
Driving that van felt better than any office job. Teaching English in Japan and working on a farm feels more real to me than climbing a corporate ladder ever would. I’ve learned over time what restores me versus what I think should restore me. None of this looks impressive from the outside, but it fits who I actually am.
Some people figure this out earlier than others. They let go of what doesn’t fit and make space for what does. They stop chasing long enough to ask what really matters to them.
What would change if you let go of one thing that doesn’t really fit your life?
The Stuff I Still Chase
I’m not pretending I’ve figured this all out. I still dream about my dream motorcycle. Maybe one day a dream car. My first iPhone and first Mac when I get back to the UK.
Some wanting is harmless. Even motivating. But I’m trying to notice when wanting turns into chasing. When it starts costing me time, pressure, or energy I don’t actually have.
The question I’m asking myself more often now is simple: do I genuinely want this, or do I want what it represents? It’s the same question I ask about my blog work – am I doing this because it genuinely matters to me, or am I chasing something else?
Most of the time, the answer tells me to slow down.
What are you still chasing that might not be worth the energy?
Finding What Fits
I don’t have a clean answer here. Life is complicated. We all have obligations, expectations, and people depending on us. We can’t just drop everything and only do what feels good.
But there’s a space between chasing everything and abandoning everything. Space to notice what fits and what doesn’t. And space to let go of the things that drain us without giving much back. Sometimes the smaller steps matter more than the bigger goals.
Maybe it’s a job that wears you down or a habit that doesn’t help. Maybe it’s wanting something because other people seem to have it.
What if you stopped chasing just that one thing? What might that free up?
I recently watched an older guy fishing from a pier. Rod in hand, smiling, completely unhurried. No rush. No performance. Just present. That’s what fitting looked like to me in that moment.
What does it look like when something genuinely fits your life?
What Are You Chasing?
We often have something we’re chasing that doesn’t quite fit. A goal that feels wrong but we keep pursuing anyway. A habit we know doesn’t help but we do it anyway.
What’s yours?
And what would happen if you let it go?
Share your thoughts below. I respond to every comment, and your experience often helps others more than mine does.
